FALLING STAR

“Dear, where does the falling star go?” asked the girl to: whether to her lover, whether to her friend, whether to her chemistry teacher, whether to her English teacher, whether her head master, whether her father, whether her mother, whether her older brother, whether her little brother, whether her neighbor, whether herself, whether her dream, whether her fantasy, whether ……

Would you, would you be the falling star? To be something completely burned, felt, but still gave magnificence for the dark sky before finally it was totally gone? Would you be that magnificence in seeking my soul that I didn’t know why it had been eternal for centuries? Would you give me a little explanation, why between that darkness, there was something, which let itself burned for a bundle of light that just also for a moment?

When the girl asked, when those questions were uttered by her, a television was turning on. In the middle of shining light, horrifying pictures appeared in turns with narrations that also so horrifying. About war that still demanded victims in a nation. About bombs that still exploded in a town. About the dead bodies that had burnt without being able to be identified. About dryness of an area in an island. About flood, about storm and hurricane that killed a thousand of people. About a hundred of children who were killed in taking of hostages’ action. About tens of robbery, murder, torturing between human being.

At the same time, a piece of newsletter was being opened and read by someone. There were pictures and letters that were arranged only from anger. There were sentences that were arranged only from suspicion, swearword and spitefulness. There were expressions that were written only from hypocrisy, untruth and pretense. There were also punctuation marks that exactly flying on never been able to touch the ground.

***

Dear, Would you, would you be the falling star? To be something completely burned, felt, but still gave magnificence for the dark sky before finally it had totally gone? Would you be that magnificence in seeking my soul that I didn’t know why it had been eternal for centuries? Would you give me a little explanation, why between that darkness, there was something, which let itself burned for a bundle of light that just also for a moment? Asked the girl to: whether to her lover, whether to her friend, whether to her chemistry teacher, whether to her English teacher, whether her head master, whether her father, whether her mother, whether her older brother, whether her little brother, whether her neighbor, whether herself, whether her dream, whether her fantasy, whether ……

Of course, I could not answer if the question of the girl was pointed to me. I imagined. It would take me so long to think for finally shaking my head and giving up in the same question. However, I would tell an analogy (that actually it did not similar like this), a story, a fairy tale. That, the dew that came early dawn until morning and than swung in the sharp point of the leaves and in the trunk of the grass, was also something that willing to sacrifice itself for giving a magnificence to the earth. Imagined! What was the advantage of the dew to swing there if in a moment it was absorbed to be unshaped vapor by the sun that came later with hot body always. Why should the dew appear in the morning? Why it swung there, unless if you saw it carefully, so you would be able to catch it then put it into a language with voice: magnificence!

Therefore, that was the reality of life. There were always who were willing to come just when others were willing to go. There were always who were willing to wait between those who were bored. There were always who were silent just when others were noisy. There were always who woke up when others were sleeping. There were always who did not choose between those who were fighting. There were always who gave when others avoided. There were always who were honest when others were hiding. There were always who were sharing when others were hunting. And that dew, that falling star too, actually also took a position in between them.

Therefore, if I could I wanted to be that falling star. I wanted to be that dew. Appeared in a moment even in a very short time, but it had been there. Maybe, there was not many who could see it, but there was always who saw it. Like the falling star, maybe only that girl who (always) saw it. (Or maybe you always waited?) Like the dew, even no one who realized its existence, but a cricket surely needed it only for wetting its throat after singing all night. Yes, I wanted to be that falling star!

nanoq da kansas

translated from indonesian first by yudi ariani